The signs on the corner of 14th street caught my eye. It was very powerful messaging. The videos of the athletes were just as powerful.  “Owning everything” is Performix House‘s thing. To be honest, wasn’t sure how I felt about it. Too much?

Ironically, a few weeks later I received a kind invitation to get the full experience: check out the space and have a trainer—@DevonLevesque—hand-picked for me. I did my homework and scrolled through his feed, noticing he is an animal of an athlete. I made sure to let everyone know I wasn’t looking to die.

If I already lost you at $900 per month or the imagined thought of a premature death, then relax, there are also lower tier memberships starting at $249. The $900 price point is for pretty much all-access. They also say the trainers are vetted and they are all super-fit. I knew I’d be put through the wringer to some extent, but it was just right.

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The space has everything you need for anything you could possibly want to do. I enjoyed the fact that I could use a sled. Although, I will later regret this brief moment of delight after thinking about the crawling plate pushes after doing a set of deadlifts. I knew in that moment I was de-conditioned. And, I never got to use the sled.

To start, I got about 10 minutes with the TheraGun as a warm-up. That thing is about a $600 piece. It’s been around for some time now, but it’s basically this “gun” that fires pulses into your muscles very quickly to “wake them up”. Without getting all scientific, it does seem to feel good before getting started.

I then did walking marches, hip swings, both forward and back, then hip swings with my hand against the wall, and short series of wrist mobility exercises. I picked up a few new moves, or variations of my own. There’s even some we have here on HFP.  After that it was to banded thrusters for 30 reps. He picked my pace up on that one… (For the record: I was trying to pace myself to survive what might come!)

I then got on the treadmill for 1/2 mile. I had expected that this 1/2 mile would be like every other 1/2 mile, boring as hell. I go through running phases, but for the most part, I dislike running, I’m sorry. And, how about this? He knew what my time would be. I believe it was 3:15. That’s strong, I know, but I’m 96.8% sure that’s what it was.

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This 1/2 mile was a friggin son of a… No holding back on that description. We hit a gnarly, absolutely-gnarly sprint for a tenth somewhere in the middle (meaning he made me sprint like all hell), then finished with another sprint at the end. I wasn’t going to, and I think he knew that, but he did tell me not to jump off. It was well-timed.

After that shit…

It was over to the deadlift. I was excited about this. But supersetting them with crawling plate pushes was just not pleasant. (I actually mumbled to Devon that he was killing me!) In my second set, I missed getting the plate down and back in under a minute. The legs just weren’t having it. I will say though, I think I could have done it if my head was in the game. But I’ll also happily admit, that was a moment I realized it’s a weak spot.

After my seriously extended rest period, my heart was still pounding. We made small talk about where we are from and what we do or had done back in the day. We both have some roots in NJ.

Onwards to heavy kettlebell farmer’s walks with towels around the ends. Down and back four times. He pushed against me at times, which obviously made me more tired, but it forced me to go harder. First set was fine, the second set started to suck, but at the perfect time. As he helped me up, that’s when I told him “good programming.” The farmer’s walks were superset with a med ball press. I laid flat on my back with the ball on my chest. I pressed up and he fought against me for about 12 or 15 reps. Then, I had to throw it up to him to failure. It was a nice challenge for my upper body and flowed nice with carries.

I also noticed, again, how I’m not used to being the one getting his ass kicked.

This is still not over…

It was onto the Kaiser machine for a combo of a flye with a press for 12 reps or so. That would be superset with these close-grip push-ups using a foam roller for 15-20 reps or so. During set two I lost count again? (I do that a lot.) “Was that 10?” I asked. “That was 7,” Devon responded. Fine, I took a little breather and got to the prescribed 15.

Next up was an ez curl bar against the wall. I did curls and he resisted me, he also resisted me on the pushdown. After three sets of this my arms were extra fatigued, but we joked about “the gains”. No idea how many reps I did. It just hurt.

The “finisher” was some extra ab work. I laid on my back with my legs straight with a 20 pound dumbbell over my head, I proceeded to attempt sit-ups. Usually I do these with my knees bent; these were way harder.

All done. It was a stretch and a few more minutes with the “gun”. I passed on infrared sauna and cryotherapy.

I enjoyed this workout. It was new for me to some extent so it was very challenging.

As I was preparing to leave, Devon hooked it up with some meals from Don’t Be a Pig, a subscription meal prep company that currently serves New York and New Jersey.

The Bottom Line:

Performix House is a nice space with anything anyone could need. They want people that love this stuff, or want to love this stuff. From my experience, you’ll get a good workout with good programming with just enough push. If you can afford it, they’ll get you super-fit, no doubt. If you can’t afford it, there are the lower tier memberships or classes available. For our non-New Yorkers and international readers, who knows if one will pop up by you. Hopefully you at least enjoyed my struggle through the workout and can try it for yourself somewhere.

I’ve got a lot of my own workouts, but this is now my Performix House workout courtesy of Performix House and Devon Levesque.

THE WORKOUT

Warm-up

• Walking marches, walking hip swings (forward and back), hip swings against the wall, wrist mobility exercises.
• 1/2 mile run with 2 sprints, finished at 3:15.
• Band thrusters x30 (easy pace)

The Actual Workout

• Deadlift superset crawling plate push, 3 sets, 135 for 15 on the deadlift, then 185, then 225. The plate was 45 pounds.
• Heavy farmer carries superset with med ball press +toss, 3 sets, 12 reps on the presses then tosses to failure.
• Kaiser machine fly with press combo superset with foam roller close-grip push-up, 3 sets, 15 reps for the flyes and presses, about 15 or 20 reps on the push-ups
• EZ bar curl and pushdown with trainer resistance

The Workout Finisher

• Single-arm weighted sit-up x6 per side
• Bicycles to failure

RECREATING IT AT THE DUNGEON

I’m going to try my House workout in my small low-profile spot. Coming soon.